


The Politics of Nail Polish

by ashangel101010



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux is So Done, Dolls, Gen, Kidnapping, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Nail Polish, Threepio and Hux are the only sane ones in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashangel101010/pseuds/ashangel101010
Summary: Kylo gives Hux a manicure.
Relationships: Armitage Hux & Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux & Leia Organa, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	The Politics of Nail Polish

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing in the Star Wars universe or anything in any universe; I just like writing stories in that universe

The Politics of Nail Polish

*

Armitage Hux spends what remains of his free time relaxing and being himself. He lays on his ice-blue couch with a therma-blanket wrapped around his legs. His cup of green tea steams, while the crisp pages of his book turn every few seconds. From the corner of his green eyes, he sees his datapad light up. He picks up the datapad and sees the security feed outside his quarters: Kylo Ren is standing outside floating three storage cubes behind him.

_Just ignore him. It’s your time, not his._

Hux inhales and then sighs wearily. He puts his datapad down along with his book and tea on the caf table. He kicks off the blanket and shuffles to the door. He didn’t even get to unlock the door before it slides open since Kylo punches in the access codes.

“To what do I owe the displeasure this time, Lord Ren?” Sarcasm isn’t part of his usual repertoire, but Kylo deserves it for the last three years in nearly ruining his generalship.

“You’re leaving for Townowi tomorrow.”

“For once, you actually read the daily briefing.”

“Show me your hands.” His voice booms through the vocoder. Hux rolls his blue eyes and shows him his naked hands: one white and the other a fleshy pink.

“You haven’t clipped the nails. Good.” Kylo shoots his hands forward and ruffles Hux’s hair like he’s checking him for lice.

“No cheap gel.” Kylo lets go of his hair, and Hux manages to keep himself from going pink in embarrassment.

“Are you planning on sacrificing me to your grandfather?” _I really hope Kylo truly isn’t a blood relation to Vader because I don’t think Leia would’ve taught her son to creepily touch people without permission._

“Hux, you’re not a warrior and thus not worthy enough to be part of his shrine.”

“I don’t need to be one to remove you from _my_ quarters.” Hux warns. It wouldn’t be the first time he had to fight the Force-user, though, he hopes it would end with a bruised spleen again.

“What do you know of Townowi?”

“It’s a desert planet. The government is a monarchy. The Empire was going to conquer it, but then the Galactic Civil War happened. Now, they export cosmetics to the New Republic but maintain neutrality. They’re possibly interested in trading with us, most likely for more profit.” 

“That subpar briefing glosses over the most important part of their culture: nails.”

“Like nail polish?”

“Yes, and their hands. Being a hand model there is one of the most lucrative careers there.” 

“Huh, I thought it would be an equestrian given that horses are part of their house crests.”

“Hux, you’ll be laughed off the planet if you show up with your hands.”

“I can’t do anything about my left hand, but I can paint my own nails.” _I’ve never done that, but I’ve seen Jacen do it dozens of times. Okay, those were pedicures, but it’s the same principle._

“Hux, I need your nails to make that horse-faced princess feel inadequate. I need your nails to make her brothers dream about kriffing you every night. I need you to avenge me!” The lights in Hux’s room flicker dramatically since lightning storms can’t happen in space.

“What did she do to you?”

“ _Everything_.” His vocoder shorts out from the sudden rasp of his voice.

“How long is all this going to take?”

“You won’t have to worry about your shift. Your mousy lieutenant will cover it.”

 _Today was Mitaka’s day-off, he was supposed to have comm sex with his wife. I really need to tell him to stop being so detail-oriented in his time-off requests._ Armitage keeps silent and watches as Kylo stalks to the caf table and couch.

He expects a violent push and to hear glass shatter and tea being spilt. Instead, the items are telekinetically put on the nearby bookshelf. The three cubes would logistically not fit on the table, so Kylo decides to open them one at time and place whatever they hold on the table.

The first cube yields a bottle of red nail polish and another of clear polish, a nail file, a clay bowl, and some bottles that he would guess are fancy lotions. The second cube brings out a caterpillar-like, red-orange worm about the size of a pittin with the gangly legs of a spider; its four black eyes stare at Hux. The third cube reveals a far creepier object: a 29-centimeter tall doll of him in glittering silver clothes.

“…I have questions. First, what is that creature? Second, why do you have a doll that looks eerily like me?” 

“He is a saass worm, which only come from G’haris. They produce all kinds of silk products, including hair extensions, but to make the extensions they have to be placed on the person’s head and allowed to weave. Second, the doll is from the Legendary Line, which is expensive as hells. I think it’s worth it considering the level of craftsmanship; he even got all your freckles down. Dr. Fool said you were one of his best muse. He’s working on another doll line based on you, but imagining you in different careers and under a different name since he wants to sell it in the New Republic.” 

“I thought that was just for high-quality propaganda posters.” He shudders as he imagines thousands of dolls in his image staring with their dead eyes at their originator. 

“I got this doll to show you what you’ll be wearing when you meet the princess.” The outfit on the tiny replica glitters silver under the lights. A scarf of fringe dangles from the silver collar and reaches the dark cigarra pants. Hux feels that this outfit would be better suited on a fashionable socialite than on someone like him.

“This looks nothing like my uniform.” Hux comments tactfully.

“With the nails I have planned for you, your great coat wouldn’t do for the desert planet.”

_I wasn’t even going to where it. I had a dress uniform modified for the desert environment. I guess I’ll save that for Jakku if we ever get around to formally annexing that forgotten world._

“Fine. So which shade of red did you pick out?”

 _“Red like lust_. _”_

*

Hux wakes up on a bed that is not his own with his body completely bound with rope. His silken hair, a natural cape for his extravagant outfit, now acts as his pillow. He hears a door slide open and wiggles hard enough to turn on his side. He sees a gold-plated protocol droid bending over to be at his eye-level.

“Would you like a glass of water, sir?” The droid asks politely. Hux nods because his throat feels dry like he drank a mouthful of sand. The droid disappears for a minute and returns with the glass of water. The droid places the cup of water on a nearby desk and helps prop Hux up on the tiny bed. The droid picks up the glass and brings it to Hux’s parched lips. He drinks it greedily until nothing remains. 

“Thank you.” His voice has a slight rasp, but at least his throat didn’t feel like sandpaper anymore.

“You’re welcome, sir!”

“What’s your name?”

“See-Threepio.”

“It’s nice to meet you, See-Threepio. Could you tell me where I am?” He expects no answer since he doubts the droid would be allowed to tell a prisoner anything.

“You’re on a ship, sir. It’s quite a small one, so Princess–oh–I mean _General_ Leia had you placed in here since there’s no holding cell.”

“Thank you for the answer. Um, can you tell me where the general is?”

“Right here.” The Resistance devil herself appears, and Hux suppresses the urge to roll her eyes at her dramatic timing. “Threepio, you can go now.”

Threepio gives a little bow and leaves the room. Hux has a feeling that the droid was the last kind face he’s going to see for quite a while.

“What did you do to my guards?”

“They’re on separate ships going to separate locations.” She sounds almost surprised that he even asked.

 _She thinks I’m just like all the old Imperial officers; I don’t care about anyone but myself. If I truly did, I would’ve quit being a general two years ago and left my crew in Kylo’s clutches. Eventually, my guards will be returned to the FO, probably through a prisoner exchange. Me? Not likely._ Hux resigns himself for the long haul.

“I’m guessing Princess Zara supports the Resistance.”

“Hardly, she wanted to avenge her honor that you took with your red nails.”

“At least, Kylo got his vengeance.” Hux mutters bitterly. Kylo would hear about all this, sooner rather than later, and may mount a rescue operation. Hux sincerely doubts it since he’s done what Kylo wanted, so what use is he anymore?

“Are you sleeping with him?”

“NO!” He shouts and then lays flatly on the bed, so he can stare at the unbiased ceiling.

“I believe you.” _Fat lot that does me now._ “You’ll be untied when we land, but then you’ll have to wear stun cuffs.”

“I’m to be your prisoner.”

“You can earn your freedom.”

“I would have to spend the remainder of my short life to be controlled like a puppet by your people just like the old Grand Vizier.” Hux decides to add one last jab. “And I doubt I’m the aiwha bait to lure your son home.”

“He’s always had a fondness for redheads.” She says softly before turning her back and exiting the room. Hux relaxes as best as he can in his bindings.

 _I hope this doesn’t end with me being thrown down a reactor shaft just like Palpatine. But just like Palpatine, the Skywalkers are out to ruin my life!_

*

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Comments- Here is the link: 
> 
> This is the outfit that I feel would best go with Hux’s nails, but Hux’s hair is long because I love it long: [Link](https://audreyssweetlittlefinds.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/onp_6667.jpg)
> 
> Princess Zara and Townowi technically do exist just not in the final draft of Star Wars. They’re part of the first draft, where Townowi replaced Aquilae from the rough draft, but the princess (and her two younger brothers, Oeta and Puck) is ultimately dropped and the desert planet becomes the sinkhole planet known as Utapau. Oh, and the second draft had Starkiller in the title, so at least that name didn’t go to waste. 
> 
> In Legends/EU, the saass worm is a rare silkworm from G’haris; they do make silk, but I added the hair extensions and physical description of the worm. Also, Dr. Fool made these AT-AT toy miniatures that caused trouble in Star Wars Galaxies and if you put them down then you got rewarded with a title. I figured that if Dr. Fool can make than then he can produce dolls. 
> 
> Maybe Kylo rescues him, maybe not. But know for sure that Hux has amazing nails now!


End file.
